they pulled my hair at charm school.
they
stole my guestbook during
rolecall.
wanting the nerves in his wrists + 19th of June. = Midnight in the yellow room.
+ Wanting certain nights back. Think of the skeleton in the DR's office. The structure of skin and muscle and bone made visible. It unerved me; it made me want certain things back. We drive the back way home and I want to be the one changing the lights from high beams to low. We grilled veggies & fish, drank martinis, gossiped. But I was somewhere else. Back at Hugo's on Pleasant St, with E, elbows on the bar, no ice in my whiskey. We were talking about Russian literature and I was surprised that he could keep up. But then he started to lose interest. I was trying to tell him about B & I's apartment in Brooklyn and he wasn't listening. He kept scribbling at something on the bar. Fuck that! Why would I drive 45 mins just to sit by myself at some crappy bar? Counting down minutes until I could go home. Then he slid the napkin over towards me.. "You're not leaving." In his boyish handwriting. It was meant for me but I left it behind on the bar.
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