do sneak cigarettes late at night

they pulled my hair at charm school.

they stole my guestbook during rolecall.

S l i d e s h o w. + February 6. 2002 = 9:56 p.m.

+

Nights of thin wire and nights of

l ea ni ng b a c k.

Lean back and there is Ben's face on Monday night. His eyes are cl o s ed & clo se.

Lean back and there is the ceiling to contemplate from the tub. Alone and I listen to sad mp3 list a n d cry just to think of messes I am creati ng.

Lean back and Dan is telling me cross-country stories. Lean back and he is showing me photos from his past week in NYC | Boston.

Lean back and there are the slow lights of cars passing three stories below.

Lean b ack and loo k at star s moon rooft op slate sky.

Lean back and learn to just l e t go of ill thoughts that go black&blue in the fading light.

Home after work and I climb into favorite black pants, black sleep dress, grey tshirt. Untie my hair. Barefeet & vow to be t r ue to what wants I do know of. I want: sleep + summer + limes + the boy under covers + to not be so afraid of the dark shadows lurking behind stone walls up ahead.

_

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ghosts!