they pulled my hair at charm school.
they
stole my guestbook during
rolecall.
Frame our image & hang it near the warm bath water. + April 5. 2002 = 6:58 p.m.
+ Start with sun at six a.m. in the morning. Wall of windows near bed and Ben's long body. Feign sleep and let him roll over and clutch me tighter. Black cat stretches paws out towards our faces. Later, breakfast at favorite downtown Moroccan place. Avocados & eggs & french toast with honey & strawberries. The best Portuguese muffins with butter __ever. Conversation includes in-depth discussion of 40 million$ new Prada store. Discuss Miuccia and her two clothing lines (which both feature the best shoes), her husband and his $$$. Also, their racing yacht. Boy laughs at me as I know way too much about fashion-y stuff. Long drive it to his 70's house. Autechre and playful arguments. In the woods and the sun is gone. Nap on yellow couch & then walk sweet brindle dog. By the lake and the water is a cold surface one looks at in admiration whilst counting down days until June. Lunch at sandwich place involves turkey, green apples, honey mustard, swiss, rye bread, toothpicks with green tassels. Lemonade and the table is small so that our knees touch the whole time. Afterwards, finger clothing in cool second-hand shop. A few beautiful coats & lacy camisoles. Ben likes striped polo-ish shirt but will not purchase due to its endorsement of Epcot Center. Pair of clogs that resemble pair I wore to death in 1994. Brown suede with a buckle clasp. Years later, everyone referred to it as "the year she was a pony" due to my loud clomp-clomping down dorm corridors and office hallways. Long drive the back way . ("so much prettier" he says.) Listen to mum & I lean my head on his shoulder. He keeps asking me how "the watercolor" is doing after having explained to him during morning hrs that I felt like a watercolor of myself. He reminds me that I said same thing a month ago. Always, the week before my period: feel as though my entire being has faded to a pale pale blue-grey. Dull & bloated. Anxious & cranky. Nothing is clean enough. I need new clothes.shoes.friends. Feel as though: do not like anyone, & therefore, the world hates me. The week after, and I could kick anyone's arse in the self-confidence department. Near five p.m. and we curl up on my bed in an effort to keep warm. (I am waiting _ a n x i o us ly _ for the 60+ weather to arrive.) Later, play on my new Living Arts balance ball. Brand new (freebie from work) and we have spent more time playing with it than exercising with it. m mmmm m. Field phone calls and will meet Jer, Diane, Dan, Ben2, & Becky for drinks. With only 20+ days remaining at APt 34 ... feel the need to invite everyone over before going out to Swanky Bar. repeat: important to make sacrifices so as to move life forward repeat: an apartment should not be the main recipient of paycheck dividends. repeat: need to do this in order to move to Big City. repeat: someday. Someday: I will be able to afford own apartment again. And at that time I will also be able to afford leather couch, sleigh bed, side tables, elaborate medicine chest, tall bookcases with glass doors, artwork, and other fine things that makes a place so nice to come home to. (though must confess: love my bare calvin.klein.magazine.ad/zen-ish apt34. spare & clean surfaces. lines & angles. framed things here & there. bookcase in center of room divides sleeping/living area. simplicity and one sleeps and thinks better here. ) Off for a tub before shoving mail/collage clutter on dining table in hiding place so guests have a surface on which to place elbows and drinks. repeat: i will take as many baths in apt34's fine porcelain tub before the end of april as do not know where next bath will be coming from.
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