they pulled my hair at charm school.
they
stole my guestbook during
rolecall.
1001 dreams __ revealed!!! + Oct. 25 __02 = 9:58 a.m.
+ This is my Last Week of sliding time card +in for 8hrs on weekends.. Then, to NYC with beau to see Beck & The Flaming Lips, Sigur Ros. Halloween & weekend in the city. ! After, weekends off ___ first time since horrific office position held down at age eighteen. Anyway, it's : day off. Wake up in warm room. Pile of books I am trying to find time to read at. Feel odd & off in re: to boyfriend who is nearing the end of his band's "southern tour." Time away from him & I have had some time to think. Realizing that I crave his respect&admiration more than I like to admit ____ this is a hard fact for me to accept as would like to think of self as uncaring in re: to what he thinks of me. SO not true. I guess what I am trying to convey here is how tied up my self-esteem is in this. Warped. Strikes me as odd & is hard to admit you're not As With It as you feel you should be. mmmmmmm, Feel a growing disparity between ideas in head and concrete facts. Between the written and unwritten. Between my ambitions and my motivation. Between those I admire in magazines (bronzed daughter of Missoni line __ lying around pool with nipples nearly exposed__hanging out in vintage prints _) & those I admire in real life (they have all their clothes on _ & share stories & struggle with all sorts of real things that have nothing to do with the living a life of leisure. ) Also, am anxious & waiting to hear back from G. Gave him pages+ of new story have been writing at. ____
prev/next
class
notes, file of pom-pom
ghosts!
