they pulled my hair at charm school.

they stole my guestbook during rolecall.

i've got your look book. + October 4. 2005 = 5:40 p.m.

and i can't give it back nor give it away.

recently it has occurred to me that i am deeply ensconced in a severely debilitating pattern. that for two seconds twice a week I am hit with the most profound & complicated thoughts re: my future. for those two seconds I verily believe that not only do I have the keys to make everything happen, but someone is waiting for me with those big red scissors and all I have to do (finally! it's.all.i.have.to.do) is cut the red ribbon:

and suddenly I will be swimming at villa Nellc�tea with the novel just sent off & a few dogs waiting in the house & you know, all those other things�

not only that. but, perhaps, it has always been so? the everything.in.its.right.place for two seconds. It�s akin to Miuccia Prada who keeps repeating her disdain for nostalgia whilst creating collections that recall an era long since past.

MILAN, September 27, 2005 � "I wanted to go forward by trying to cancel out nostalgia. By canceling out the body," said Miuccia Prada

"not about nostalgia, but about finding what beauty means today". Miuccia Prada
9/27/2002

am trying in vain to outsmart myself on this one.

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ghosts!