they pulled my hair at charm school.
they
stole my guestbook during
rolecall.
Hiatus, spent... + 9 november_02 = 11:20 p.m.
+ re: Beck, Flaming Lips __nyc 0ct 31st !!!! swoon, , < re: post-BeckFlamingLips Show: Outside of Beacon Theater. Traffic and bodies and a small crowd has gathered around boyfriend's friends. Parts I would like to forget include the fact that he makes gestures towards some young hottie with a big mouth from his alma matter . They are all from his alma matter. Which becomes Annoying after awhile. (p.s. have CharmSchool entry to write in re: to my bad manners. Check back at a later date...) Taxis and one is dying to climb into one. Counting down minutes until I can escape the cold and the heat __ the friction other people are causing . My knees are shaking __ and in an odd turn of events : my ass is shaking __ It is very hard to stay warm in the pale leather jacket and scarf wound tight. Tuck chin in towards chest and curse to myself. A taxi ride. Finally! Three of us and girl is one of his best friends. Is a Dancer. Is Sassy. Cool. And my boyfriend's mouth seems to water a little every time he looks at her. Anyway, deposited at some swanky Address. Wait for other friends to arrive on their bicycles. (how JfkJr.) Doorman approves of us. Elevator buttons to push The doors glide open and offer a View of hallway carpet and a row of windows showcasing the streets below. Door. Is Opened. Enter and there is a hallway of coats , a long mirror, and piles of old Vogues. A small kitchen with a large table and everyone so politely sitting around a huge cake decorated with photos. Long counters & wood floors . Sub- Zero Freezer. Large trash can for the putting of glass bottles ___ (NYC law = recycling glass is over.) Still not used to it and shocked and alarmed at the idea of throwing it all in a big black bag. Living room and in the hallway greeted by drunk birthday boy. Other guests incluede an Old model in her white Elvis outfit and short shorts. Zipper undone to reveal breasts and skin _ fake_ tan. Walls of black&whites. Photographs of other people�s families make one feel jealous and invent home movies of the moments proceeding and following the press of the shutter and the click . Bare wood floors stretch out in every direction. The space is comfortable . Beer and the boy in the hallway thanks me for opening his beer _ which ,of course, I didn't open. Boy with curly brown hair. Unevenly spaced teeth. Mischievous laugh and tall body. Large hands and warm skin and one thinks every one must want to kiss him in his outfit of suspenders and faux beard. (It's halloween, ) Drunk and the low couches .The mechanical plane they fly out of the window .The flashes from cameras and the corners of buildings viewed from the odd angle of sitting on the couch. Later, catch a cab back and the city lights look different when intoxicated. Politely admonish boyfriend for sometimes leaving me out of conversations and for abandoning my friends __whilst confessing that I do know importance of his friends & would never question that ... but why should they be continually given more value than mine? We are calm and I think it's fucking ridiculous that he doesn't see the disparity and he thinks I should just get over it ___And really, why should meeting his friends be a big deal ! Why can�t I just be relaxed and easy ___ Dark and dark and the street is near . Cab pulls over and am told to open the door and exit . He takes care of the money . Down a flight of EleventhSt. steps___ the iron gate no longer smells like fresh paint __ duck your head and the mother has pointed out the lovely poured blocks of cement overhead __the door is heavy and wood and there is a small mirror to the right as you walk in __ the side room is for sleeping and the upstairs bedroom with its tall rooms and mantle with old photographs and the wall of travel books is yours __is yours for the night __and smoke on the pillows from the smoke in your hair and the sheets will need to be washed __but only for that reason not for any other reasons_ very tired __late and the sheets are not cooperating __the keys are too loud in the dark and the walls like to echo __ try to clear paths in head and think that what i am trying to do (love someone who is a deep well __ emotion carefully concealed. also, to tame my own inner demons) is different and sometimes difficult and of course we all fear being trite and repeating ourselves ____
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