do sneak cigarettes late at night

they pulled my hair at charm school.

they stole my guestbook during rolecall.

bridges in the dark go far, + MAY 6 . 2003 = 54

+

re: Laurel Canyon, the movie.

Afterwards, Glenn & I wait for Ben outside of the Academy Theater. Rain & I forgot to bring a coat. I feel odd _____ b u o y a n t . There was something about the pool water lit up at night. Something about the dark empty house & the moment when Christian Bale�s character is holding a heavy bottle up to his lips. Something about desiring the unknown. Anyway, it made me feel far away & not of myself. Glenn & I laugh about how the movie made us want to Drink , thus, the three of us end up with elbows on the bar at Hugo�s. The Advocate�s old music journalist corners Ben. I turn to Glenn & begin trying to explain the strange f e e li n g that has taken over my facial expressions & is effecting my choice of vocabulary & is it ever enough? . This bar, this town, this place ____ it doesn�t feel like e n o u g h/. Am not sure if all is yo comprendo between us , but he smiles anyway.

re: the fact that my sister has moved to CT.

The last time we were this far apart: 1991, she was a college freshman in VT, I was a high school freshman in the middle.of.the .woods. in MA. I miss our social outings & adventures in which we are always (A L W A Y S!) approached by middle-aged men & white haired women ( sometimes __ : one 7yr old girl named Evie) who feel it is i m p e r a t iv e to know whether or not we are Twins. We take turns feeling flattered to be compared to the other. I miss finishing her sentences & her laughter after she says : �I can�t believe I�m asking you if I can borrow clothes.� But, tonight, on the phone she tells me she w i l l be here on Sunday... & then... If all works out for fall04 (crossingfingers) the distance from NYC to her CT house will be a mere onehour.

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