they pulled my hair at charm school.

they stole my guestbook during rolecall.

soundcheck, let me back in bed + january 28. 2003 = 3:09 p.m.

+

hands against copy machine. grey bulk of a machine. the zzzsh zzsh zzzsh sound of my pages going in & coming out warm. am in foulest of foul moods. think certain things to be true & most unappealing. afternoon lunch with boyfriend & yet __ am left annoyed & sick to stomach when he leaves. am tired of listening to girls list things that need to be done in order to be prettier/cooler/thinner . am tired of silently adding my own things to list of growing unease with oneself. etc etc etc

saturday night was soundcheck. arrive early at eagles with boys and listen as they try out guitars and drums and pedals and voices.

sunday night i wanted to go to sleep and never wake up/

monday: dark . streets cold. windows look as if on fire. ___

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ghosts!