do sneak cigarettes late at night

they pulled my hair at charm school.

they stole my guestbook during rolecall.

turn pages in books instead of thinking. + March 6. 2002 = 12:01 p.m.

+

morning up early after dreams crowded with faces and buildings. think think think about ben and our relations. sssssssssss basement of thoughts. should leave them boxed up, but no, look at me struggle to remove the masking tape. its hard to give up the idea of us. the idea that we would make it. the idea of a summer together. but, do not know if he really has room for me in his life. room for a relationship. honestly , am fine on my own. that is not the issue. the idea was never to find someone to spend ALL my time with. guess, though, would just like it if we had more time to spend together. mmm feel mass of unruly thoughts and opinions. some are vapid, some insecure, some translucent. why can�t i ever take anything for granted? feck Pr. know a lot of my worries come from our strange relations and his incessant LIES.

headache, and no, telephone conversation did not make it any better.

haven�t seen his bed in weeks and for some reason the idea of this makes me want to cry.

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ghosts!