do sneak cigarettes late at night

they pulled my hair at charm school.

they stole my guestbook during rolecall.

History Reveals f e a r. Ah, Horribly Interesting! + January 30. Ten-thirty pm = 10:23 p.m.

Also,

grey rain on the windshield. Before we go to his Hills house and sit on the long yellow couch. Play with the dog. Sarah comes home with his record from London. Before we walk sidewalks. His long arm against my shoulder. Before we eat breakfast in one of the oldest buildings in town. Coffee and we share salmon.dill.horseradish.omelette & frenchtoast + sausage. Breakfast has become one of o u r t hings. Before I wake up hot & sweaty. Strange dreams and I kneel in bed and stare out the window before checking digital account. Before calling . Before that: / sleep / and before that: it is near / one am/ and I balance the phone against my ear. Feet up on the porcelain edge of the empty tub and I stare out the window. Honestly,

feel a wreck these past few days as I all I want to do is cry &

maybe,

tell him that I have pinpointed my sentiments for him.

But. Not so good to tell someone that as your nose is running all over the place and, secretly, you are terrified that no one will ever be able to love you back the way you w a n t.

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ghosts!