do sneak cigarettes late at night

they pulled my hair at charm school.

they stole my guestbook during rolecall.

same mealy quality one finds in 1970's films. + April 4. 2002 = 7:54 a.m.

+

Eight a.m. Almost.

The light is odd. The same mealy quality one finds in 1970's films. From third floor window in dining room and there is the side street with its orange streetlights turned off. Bare trees and a view of skyline that looks as though it is preparing for a storm. Traffic, Pedestrians in blue jeans, parked Cars. I am not sure if I made the points I needed to make on the phone last night. Wake up and struggle to remember why things feel off. As though I was very drunk last night. But I wasn't - only very honest. It's true - music is his priority. I never doubted that nor questioned that nor assumed I would change that. I have never asked for time he didn't have or questioned him as to why he couldn't make time for yours truly. Look at the red flags. White letters and I am not sure how to stop a thing that I am half in love with. Am not sure if it is the classic: in love with the idea. Listen, I approve of our relations in theory. On paper. Our spatial relations are a very fine thing. so .... ... Why does it f e e l mealy and odd to me in practice?

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ghosts!