do sneak cigarettes late at night

they pulled my hair at charm school.

they stole my guestbook during rolecall.

Do: admit you want everything+. + APRIL 26 ___2002 = 6:57 p.m.

+

It's the walk to breakfast with him. It's the sun & the fact of my coat unbuttoned. It's the long drive with his arm around my shoulder. It's MassMoca and installations to play with.to look at in admiration. to pause__ and question sanity of artist described in small blurb. It's the shared jokes & his wrinkled brow. Rest my chin in his hands. It's every second that adds up to the 6+ hrs of time spent with him that makes me forget my current level of stress. (to hell with packing + planning + the changing of addresses + the canceling of utilities.)

but also,

why why why why

Do I feel so sad_down_lonely after he leaves? He has to record with his band + it isn't that....

only,

sometimes want the boy who wants desperately to sleep beside me at night. The boy who will take the 25mins after singing & playing guitar for microphones to drive back to apt34's third floor bed with warm girl in it.

I do believe myself to be ungrateful. It's always something,

more

that I want from them. !to hell with me!

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ghosts!