they pulled my hair at charm school.
they
stole my guestbook during
rolecall.
halted such transplants.�� halted + January 16. 2001 = 9:15 a.m.
+ & in my dreams last night: tall structures to climb up. steel beams, a statue, an odd structure that Corey W. stood beneath. Entire dream revolved around my fear to jump down once I had propelled myself to the top. hmmmm, Yesterday: grey streets and light rain. Nick and I eat lunch. Old church pews to sit at. Their heavy dark wood is comforting but the benches are always too far away from the table - thus, one ends up leaning into food. I put my right hand to my forehead as if rubbing away something as I try to explain: Why I Fear I May not be Smart Enough for Ben. (In December: Dingy bar. Boy in plaid shirt is leaning against faux wood paneling. ben. Cornered by Local Paper's Music Journalist and Haymarket Boy. I wait my turn. And then. Then: he turns to me and says my name. (first and last.) Our connection, thus far, has consisted solely of two brief interactions and then a month of email. things go so well. / Sunday, early morning in his bed: he recalls telling his friends that night: "She's Out of My League." ) I repeat the story enclosed in parenthesis to Nick. Then add: "But , I fear that He is Out of My League." Realize how I am m o o n i n g over this B o y and need to reign myself i n. Really. (!) So, to Bookstores. Bring home David Schickler's Kissing in Manhattan, Heather McGowan's Schooling, Lawrence Durrell's Bitter Lemons (a 1957 copy w/ bright yellow cover) & The Dark Labyrinth (circa 1964). Also, fashion magazines and paper to print out the unruly Thing I have typing away at. ( Apt 34 is so nice at night with its soft lights.inside and views of flickering streetlights.outside. There is a seven-thirty-ish phone message from Ben. Returned near midnight. And, look : things do not fall apart just because one checks t he yes box on the "Do yoou Like me, Check Yes or No." L e t t e r. ninefortythree a.m. and now I get to do dishes, pick up vestiges of Sunday paper, sweep floors, return videos, mail package. Then: off to work with me.
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