do sneak cigarettes late at night

they pulled my hair at charm school.

they stole my guestbook during rolecall.

Royal. T r eat ment. + February 27. 2002 = 10:13 a.m.

+

Meet Ben2 for dinner at Teapot. Sushi, seaweed salad, tea. Ben2, back from FL, is tan and strong jaw line, dark shirt with buttons.

Afterwards, Tunnel for glasses of wine. Bartender is familiar face. He makes production out of waiting on us. Eyes me : Your Absence has been Noted. He misses Ben2's glass and the white paper napkin turns purple. Laugh. Huge leather arm chairs. Dark wood table between us. I lean forward and talk about Ben and how. things. go. between us. Scrap yard of History. Mirrors reflect the city traffic sliding by. Bright flashes of metal & coatless pedestrians.

Down Pearl St. to Pleasant St. and then to SilentCal's. Hallway with cement . Open door to wave of heat and loud music. Kisses on the cheek for Jeff & Msa & Rikki. Louis, Marlita, JP, ChaChaCha boy.

mm mmm. Socializing. Sometimes, feel it to be a thing I excel at. Crowd last night contained interesting conversations and small moments of dancing.

( Though, Men are shameless. Ronnie in his oversized sunglasses kisses me hello. Look at you, he screams. What we need is more people like you here! Later, ask Msa to entertain me as Ben2 gets phone number. He feels inclined to tell me he loves me. He whispers : Someday you will know/. )

Ben2 and I drive around at onethirty a.m. wishing for something else to do. Do not have anything to drink at apt34, so, to his house a neighborhood or two over from mine. Tour of second floor apartment. There are stairs leading to an Attic space with drum set and piles of old records. Sleeping bags & white lights strung along the length of one wall. Leaning chimney and old roof beams the color of Guinness. Back down skinny grey steps and there is a cat stretching languidly on blue couch. Around corner and Bedroom with alcove for sleeping. Dying spider plant. Drums displayed on red shelves. He demonstrates the different sounds. Table with stereo. My boyfriend's cd on top of Tortoise and Beck. We listen to a '96 or '97 Tortoise album and then

I am home at three a.m. Blue sheets and black cat. Open windows and do not have to get up early in the morning. Think of boy with choppy brown hair and how badly I would like to see him in summer's thin shirts and heat. Crossing fingers re:

0 comments so far

prev/next class notes, file of pom-pom

ghosts!